….in faith and I’m telling you right now that is not easy! For more than two years now I have been conflicted about what to do with my home. As you may know, after 30 years in the Air Force, followed by 17 years beyond that, we led a very predictable life. But moving to Texas in early 2015 just felt like the right thing to do. After all we were native Texans and always knew we would come back home. We bought our happily-ever-after-home and had all kinds of hopes for our future, except it wasn’t in God’s plan! My Brownie said over and over after he was diagnosed with Interstitial Lung Disease, that God had a purpose for his life and when that purpose was accomplished, he would be called home. Neither of us had any idea that would happen less that 6 months after we bought this beautiful home. We both expected to live in it forever, or at least until we were 99! Well it did happen and here I have been since then – what should I do?
As you can probably imagine it has been a struggle to say the least. This is the home he bought for me. This is the home he loved. But he’s not here. OUR happily ever-after-home doesn’t exist because he’s not here. So that leaves me with this…I need a happily-ever-after-home to call my own. I hope this doesn’t sound callous to you, because that is not my intent, but I have been trying to carry on with “our” dream because that’s all I have ever known. Since the age of 16, his dreams and plans and my dreams and plan have been woven very tightly together. So now, without him, its hard for me to know what part of me is left.
I want to live! I want to be happy! I want my heart to beat again, but something is holding me back. As I ponder my sadness this comes to mind. If I sell this house, it is closing the door on the very last phase of our life together. Do you understand what I’m saying? It’s letting go of the last thing…purchase…decision that we made together. The last thing we wanted…loved…furnished…decorated. Not that we hadn’t done this 22 times before in our 48 years, but this was the last time.
So, after many tears and even more prayers, I can announce this….I am stepping out in faith and trusting this is the right thing to do, and putting my beautiful home on the market. This amazing home that he bought for me is going to be listed for sale. And it’s ok! I have an amazing peace about this decision! However, this might prove to be the most difficult thing I’ve done since burying my Beloved, but with your prayers and support I know I can do it!!
Thank you for sharing this journey with me!